Wednesday, March 24, 2010

What am I doing?

Not sure how I ended up here. I've been told often I should write a book or a memoir, mainly because it would be funny. But I have started a book before. I started it in my second year in grad school during my winter break, I made it to page 28, and haven't read it since. I would imagine my writing would read more like Donald Miller than say CS Lewis or Tozer. Meaning, while serious and dry in thought, not very philosophical. Anyway, unlikely this one will be read anyway....
This blog got started tonight in honor of a patient I cared for this week. Her story, stirred me in a way that no other story has. I have spent the day trying to escape the thoughts of her because they haunt me. I sat down to write her a letter, and all I could do was cry. But I thought, what if I do write the letter, what if she gets it, could it mean anything to her later in life? Will she know the weight of my prayers for her today? Will she understand the burden in my heart for her pain? Should she know? What should she know about my time caring for her? I can do nothing but hope for her. And pray. And hope. No I don't want her to know. I sat today just staring, thinking about the love that the Lord has for this child. I just read in Mark where Jesus said "Let the children come unto Me; do not hinder them; for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." I have felt this pain in my heart for her, and it is overwhelming, the pain and suffering this child has endured is too much, and there was no help for her that day. Then I realized how much more you must hurt for this sweet little one. Then I thought, 6.2 billion people in this world, and each goes through pain, suffering, and loss, and we are told that the Lord feels each one. He catches each tear in a bottle (Ps 56:11), and you know each tear by name. All 6.2 billion peoples hundreds of thousands of hundred thousand tears. You know each one. Wow.
So now I'm here. I logged on to comment on someone else's blog and thought maybe I'll start today. So, if somehow that little one were to find herself back here 10, 20 years later, I would tell her she had many many tears, and He knows each one, and He was there through it all.
Hopefully the next blog will be a little less solemn